mujeridad en alza

mujeridad
la llamarán en 7 días para decirle que hay un proyecto a presentarse al ministerio. la invitan a que junto a 4 mujeres desarrolle un proyecto artístico que indague en el género. la llamarán al móvil y dentro de lo poco que retendrá de la conversación estarán datos como «una artista trans», «5.000 euros», «madrid», «ministerio de igualdad», «biografía en 5 líneas», «temas de género», tags que se apilarán bajo la categoría «institución».
dentro de 10 días recibirá un e-mail donde se le pide participar en una exposición de mujeres inmigrantes en catalunya. le dirán que no hay mucho claridad al respecto, pero que se realizará el evento en un centro de mujeres (donas en catalán) y que la diputación se encargará de la difusión. al pedir más detalles le dirán poco, y de lo poco que le dirán será que no hay dinero. aquí los tags serán «inmigración», «mujeres» y «dossier».
dentro de 12 días le llegará un mail donde se le pide protagonizar una película porno. sus proporciones corporales y algo enunciable como su ideología la harán parecer un espécimen idóneo para resolver el encargo. quizás la familiaridad con la que se mueve en ciertos contextos postpornográficos es también algo que a las creadoras las hará ver en ella una posible aliada.
cuando reciba este e-mail sentirá algo parecido a un ataque de angustia. su cuerpo entero se descompondrá, se volverá frío como una piedra hasta sudar como un cerdo. de manera intermitente. comenzará a divagar en torno a lo que siempre habrá considerado idioteces. sus divagaciones serán viajes en trenes de alta velocidad entre el optimismo inconsciente de lo desconocido, el pánico escénico y el pánico visceral.
de alguna forma sentirá que algo que viene de afuera la está empujando hacia un espacio del cual se ha desenmarcado sistemáticamente a pesar de estar oficialmente dentro: la mujeridad.
mujeridad de ministerio, de diputación, de industria pornográfica. mujeridad a secas, de esa que nunca ha sido. se preguntará por qué es tan obvia su adherencia al conjunto si la clase de mujeridad que lleva practicando una vida entera siempre ha tenido reparos, siempre ha llevado el apellido «pero» o unos puntos suspensivos de cola.
se sentirá extraña e invisible. sentirá que hay cosas que no había contemplado. sentirá una pereza enorme de tener que entrar a las arcas de su interior a sacar (como de un pozo negro y profundo) algo olvidado, desconsiderado. sentirá excitación y dolor de panza a la vez.
20 días más tarde realizará un cásting doméstico para indagar en sus facultades como actriz porno (sic). dos días antes padecerá de manera progresiva confusión y desconcierto. recibirá una carta hermosa donde entre muchas cosas se le llamará hereje porque su cuerpo es un maravilloso insulto a todo lo odiable.
en el desespero recurrirá al tarot, donde sacará las cartas de la luna, el diablo y la muerte (y siempre, siempre, siempre el colgado, el ermitaño, la fuerza y la templanza).
en algún punto su confusión también provendrá de que este (ámbito, término, lugar) enunciado es casi como que implicara el autoanálisis. qué pereza, qué fiasco, qué tortura la del legado feminista. verá que su conciencia está repleta de moral de izquierda, y que en su cuerpo el feminismo la ha llevado a ser trans sin plantearse modificación alguna, es decir una suerte de transexualidad por omisión de las prácticas modificacionistas de la mujeridad.
luego se dará cuenta que la palabra no está en la rae y dejará, como siempre, el asunto inconcluso. como cualquier cosa que aun no sucede, será imposible de prever.

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