la ira

apabullante vacío, o mis emisores hoy son de onda corta. siempre es igual, acabas algo y te quedas hueca. acabo algo y me quedo hueca. y hoy no tengo tiempo para quedarme hueca sintiendo el vacío. tal como desde hace casi un mes, no tengo tiempo para nada, sólo tengo tiempo para hacer algo. a ratos intento engañarme imaginando que estos son los flujos de intensidad que deben cruzarme, y yo, mero tubo ensanchado. nunca acabo convencida, mucho antes vacía. luego me sugestiono con que esto es la precariedad, esta es la contemporaneidad del proletariado, obreros 2.0 trabajando 24×7, como grandes sumisas conectadas a una red inalámbrica de orden transnacional.
mis poetas favoritas tienen 20 años y cuerpos hermosos que visten a la moda para que podamos amarlas. luego las aman también los otros, yo creo que por eso lo hacen.
lo cierto es que en realidad llegué llena de odio, lo del vacío es también una estrategia.
llena de odio y de sangre que se me cae a borbotones de la entrepierna y yo sin mi mooncup, teniendo que someterme a todas las espantosas alternativas que hay en el mercado. odio tampax, odio ladysan. recurro al confort pelado, a la marca más blanca que podría encontrar para dejarla toda ensangrentada y envenenada de mi rabia.
¿puede ser que algo funcione con ocio como fuerza productiva?, la crítica de la laboriosidad, no se aplica. la crítica a los modales ¿puede echarse a andar la máquina alimentada con odio y mala leche?
descargo un poco en un inusitado hilo familiar (cosiendo en mi mail, agujas brillantes). abren los brazos y celebran entusiastas la divergencia.
tengo la mesa llena de discos duros y basuras que parecen de yonqui. en el último aeropuerto me volvieron a revisar los bolsillos. el policía repitió 3 veces «no eres tan fea».
odio las instituciones, odio las fundaciones. soy una perra rabiosa escuchando a vanessa paradis. perra desenfocada. odio los espacios vacíos.
tengo tanta rabia que hoy dejo de ser rubia. necesito que la sangre también se me salga por la cabeza.

27 thoughts on “la ira

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