dosmilonce, pequeña nimia declaración de intenciones

este año podría plantearme cargar menos el lápiz sobre el papel cuando escribo. pareciera como si le estuviera clavando el boli, como si tratase de rasgarle las líneas, matar el papel. cada vez lo hago menos, este blog casi en su totalidad ha sido escrito sobre un teclado (y siempre la misma duda ¿cambia esto la forma de escribir?). podría dejar de gastar milésimas de energía pulsional en esa fisura de mi fuerza, que sólo aja, que no mata. podría desplazar la presión a otro punto, la intensidad de la letra, no como algo físico, no como algo dolente, no como daño al soporte, ni marca, índex de la tensión de mis extremidades. preferiría este año dosmilonce invertir esa mínima fuerza pulsional en el espacio de la palabra misma, que aunque a ratos es descompuesta por la pereza o la ausencia de deseo rotundo por inscribir alguna observación básica y simple, persiste en su recurrencia como un gesto, como un carácter indomable, como un defecto de fábrica (me sudan las manos), como un lunar o cualquier cosa que estará siempre allí, cargada de insondable compañerismo (o más que compañerismo un siamés), una relación siamésica entre yo y esto que escribo. dosmilonce años de producción escritural, que otros llaman historia (aunque sean la mayoría inscripciones bastardas de corazón a corazón), transfusiones, mensajes cifrados. y yo seguiré como un zombie en estas lides, porque me gusta y me sale del coño (decir que lo hago por necesidad sería mentira, un tic poético y nada más), porque soy conmigo misma en la sumatoria sucesiva de letras significantes, mientras controlo la dureza con que maltrato al papel, mis ojos, mis manos, mi carne toda, mis espasmos lúgubres o frescos, mi odio, mi verborrea silenciosa, mi emoción más profunda, desdentada, balbucea.

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