ejemplos de practicidad humana (las vacaciones)

grecia

una semana sin vacaciones y el cuerpo me ha dicho basta. comenzó un dolor en la espalda el día miércoles que hoy, como si fuese normal, me impedía respirar (sin sentir dolor). mi doctora de cabecera (de la verdadadera) me diagnosticó angustia, me dio una infusión relajante, me frotó la espalda y me hizo dormir. desperté mejor, pero bastante anestesiada.
básicamente no tomo medicamentos analgésicos por miedo. miedo a no sentir nada, a no darme cuenta de lo que me pasa. hasta ahora he sido lo suficientemente bruta (incluso creo que lo sigo siendo) como para no sufrir físicamente demasiado.
pero así es como llegan los 32 años (y sé que aún es temprano como para alarmarse) y te vienen estas literales puñaladas por la espalda que en realidad son yo misma diciéndome que corte el rollo. no eres funcional, habitúate a la disfuncionalidad capital, no podrás con ella, padeces la enfermedad de la desadaptación. en fin, no pasa nada. una enfermera, una infusión, dos horas de sueño, mucha comida. y un post. escuchar la calle ruidosa que tengo abajo, meter las manos en una maceta de vez en cuando. fumar. volver al mes que ha pasado, un ciclo hormonal que dejé pendiente porque no cabía en el calendario, las 42 pestañas que ralentizan mi rendimiento informático, los buenos modales.
porque, es signo de muy mala educación padecer dolores. algo de mal gusto.
estuve 3 semanas sin estar en internet y no pasó nada.
estuve en un local de salvajes recién empotrados al mundo a través de un trozo de agua con tierra alrededor.
para hacer vacaciones los seres humanos pueden ir al decathlon y comprar por 100 euros un pasaporte al vacacionismo consistente en una mochila, una tienda de campaña y un saco de dormir. todo obsolescencia programada, si algo se rompe será parte de la aventura.
mi diana es una estupenda guía/diosa/compañera. lo hace con amor.
leo las crónicas añejas de lo que henry miller vivió hace más de 60 años en un lugar parecido, o similar, o de geografía coincidente. él confunde los planos de realidad. por ejemplo, su vida en nueva york, su estancia en parís, los autores que lee. omite siempre describir a hombres y mujeres con las que ha follado. américa se le solapa, le asusta por oposición. henry miller ha viajado en los años 40 y ha permanecido un año sin escribir. mi letargo ha sido de 15 días y la asepsia, además de escritural, ha sido eminentemente electrónica. me pregunto si habrá cambiado mi caligrafía, al menos parece más desordenada.
la actividad onírica sufrió un despliegue inusitado. culpa del aire acondicionado el destape, aparecen trazos discontinuos de conversaciones interrumpidas, mails de respuesta que aún no envío, y que respondí personalmente en sueños. casi todos los seres humanos que conozco (o que considero) aparecieron en encuentros nocturnos. también algunos que no conozco. también algunos nunca aparecieron. todo llegó a tener tintes mortales al resumir muchas etapas con una anarquía totalmente ajena a las consecuciones lógicas de una vida humana. el aire acondicionado primero, la playa virgen prosiguió el onirismo como si hubiese sido un exiliado de la red, y por supuesto, me abandonó mucho antes de empezar a escribir esto.
quizás lo más interesante y extremo haya sido estar en la playa salvaje, donde el cuerpo aprende mucho más rápido sobre cuándo hacer las cosas. dormir, comer, respirar se vuelven asuntos fundamentales. los minutos están llenos de cosas básicas y lisas, los movimientos pierden compostura. el horario se supedita y deduce de la luz. el código se reduce al binario agua/tierra. también es cyborg lo que se vuelve bestia. todo se dilata.
no sé si he vuelto más fuerte y poderosa, pero sí más tranquila. algo que intento mantener como una arquitectura precaria, arruinada en medio de un paisaje de fuegos artificiales.

31 thoughts on “ejemplos de practicidad humana (las vacaciones)

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