hacerse mayor

creo que me hago mayor. no duele ni incomoda, más bien es un deseo de orden, de rutina. intento tomar las cosas con calma, soy feliz a ratos, sufro en algún momento, he perdido prisa e intento erradicar la ansiedad. sigo deseando que el día tenga más horas, no sé si duermo lo suficiente.
no creo que salga durante el verano, en el fondo no me apetece. algo en relación a estar fuera siento que ha cambiado, al menos temporalmente.
entonces voy casi cada mañana a la biblioteca y me divierto con uno de los placeres más burgueses que existen (junto con las prácticas extremas del sexo y los manjares culinarios): leer. mientras más leo es inevitable sentir que no seré capaz nunca de contener todo el conocimiento o la belleza de algunas ideas que me gustaría. las ideas son como el arte, por sí solas no sirven para nada. entonces juego al scrabble por teléfono con gente que no conozco en idiomas que no sé hablar, cosa que tampoco sirve de nada pero al menos siento que aprendo algo, porque lo juego en otras lenguas y gano bastante, lo cual significa que los idiomas pueden llegar a ser algo intuitivo, o que mi instinto de triunfo es mayor a mi conocimiento, o quizás no significa nada, sólo que me hago mayor a pasos agigantados, cosa que por el momento, tampoco me importa mucho.

626 thoughts on “hacerse mayor

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